Don't take (me) this bread for granted!

Bee.

“The finest hats! The finest bread! What more could you want from a shop. Feodor's finest floury focaccia alongside Fyodor's fancy flavourful fedoras. Next to Debenams, the newest hot spot in Ytic only has two products: bread and hats. When you get bored of the bread, you buy yourself a hat. And when you have too many hats, you can buy yourself some fine rye to calm yourself down. It's an infallible business model the citizens of Ytic have never seen before, and it's taking them by store. The strategic placement next to Debenams means that there is always a toaster nearby if you want to spice things up with a toasted hat: extra warmth for the winter! Toasters are also available for bread related purposes, although are less likely to turn the toaster into an emergency fireplace, so proceed with caution.

We asked some passerbys what they think of the finest dough this side of Modnik:

• I thought I knew what true happiness was, but after having this baguette I feel my life about to change.
• It's so good Feodor feeds it to his house! No seriously, he takes all the bread at the end of the day and feeds his house. Is that normal? I feel like we should be asking questions about this.
• This place came to us when we kneaded it most, I loaf it!

Positive reviews all around! But you haven't come hear to hear what you already know: you want the juicy gossip: you want the bread. That's right, we managed to get an inside scoop on what goes on in the kitchen. Here we witness how Fyodor turned a dream and an old oven into baking brilliance. First, he acquires the flour sourced from the most ethical and delicious source: his kitchen cupboard. Secondly, he throws the flour into his magic hat. A loud series of beeps, whirring, and an explosion or two later culinary art has been accomplished: bread has been made. The hat process is similar, but it would be unfair of us to share all of a good sir's secrets, so we'll leave that to the creative reader's imagination. This has been Peeta Pain, your dedicated food reporter. We'll see you next week for more breaking news.”

The local Modnikian newspaper, the Ytic Gazette. A petition is currently underway to rename it to the Ytic Baguette, after one of Feodor's signatures.